i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
