Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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