I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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