she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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