Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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