sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
