I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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