There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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