we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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