There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is Oprah even human
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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