i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
