you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
