We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
