I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
40s are totally the cure
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
