well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
