he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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