Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
