Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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