why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
