just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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