I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
