i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
