at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just googled if crying burns calories
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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