I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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