Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
