I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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