Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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