Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
