So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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