they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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