my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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