Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
