Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
