filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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