sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
