we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
