im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
