I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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