Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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