So drunk its hurt
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
