dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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