using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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