Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
