My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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