my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
