I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
