Acid is not a monday night drug
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
