I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
