I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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