Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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