I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
