well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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