I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
