I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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