I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
