one might say we're banned from that church
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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