i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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