His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
