did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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