just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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