I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
