I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
