Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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