He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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