So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize