twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
