'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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