I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
