Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
