I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My pussy is not your playground.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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