i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
