it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
