I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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