it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
