i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
