Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
