fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
