someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
