Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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