I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
